Kelly Coughlin: Diversity enriches our lives

By Nathan Tsukroff

Imagine not talking for a whole day. Now imagine not talking for nearly your whole life . . . because you fear for your safety if you reveal who you really are.

A spy in the communist Soviet Union? No, a gay or lesbian student at the local high school.

While it's hard enough being different in high school, whether it's a hair style or your clothing, being different because of sexual orientation is almost overwhelming. Rather than stay silent and fit in, Kelly Coughlin, a senior at Gray-New Gloucester High School, said she believes it was more important that she be true to herself. And part of that truth was the announcement that she is a lesbian.

This could have made her a major target for ridicule or worse, one of the reasons she helped to form the Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) at the high school. The GSA's aim is to create safer schools through education, by providing opportunities for school communities to learn accurate information about lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, or trans-gender (LGBT) people. The GSA also strives to give students a greater understanding of how diversity enriches their lives. Left, Kelly COughlin in 2003.

Over a dozen high schools in Maine have similar student clubs, including the Gorham, Lewiston, Westbrook, Yarmouth, Portland, Kents Hill, and Camden-Hills high schools.

Kelly plans on not speaking the entire day of Wednesday, April 21, the annual "Day of Silence" being planned across the nation to bring attention to the plight of gay, straight, bi-sexual, and trans-gender students in schools and colleges.

Aided by guidance from the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network (GLSEN), sponsors of the annual event, Coughlin strives to teach everyone she meets that being gay, lesbian, or bi-sexual is not something to be feared or hated. Rather, students of all sexual orientations just want to live their lives to the fullest, without worrying about harassment from fellow students.

Gray-New Gloucester High School has a firm policy against harassment of one student by another. But across the country, harassment of LGBT students at schools is the rule, not the exception, according to a recent National School Climate Survey conducted by GLSEN.

In 2003, some 84% of LGBT students who responded in the survey reported being verbally harassed by name calling, threats, or in other ways, because of their sexual orientation. Over 91% of LGBT students reported hearing homophobic remarks, such as "faggot", "dyke", or the expression "that's so gay" frequently or often.

In addition, nearly 40% of LGBT students reported being physically harassed by shoving or pushing, etc., because of their sexual orientation. Over 57% of LGBT students reported having property stolen or deliberately damaged at school, compared with 35% of students in a national survey of all high school students in a 1999 U.S. Department of Justice Survey. This indicates that LGBT students are significantly more likely to be victimized by such crimes and attacks.

Nearly 65% of LGBT students report feeling unsafe at their school because of their sexual orientation. Over 28% of LGBT students reported missing at least an entire day of school in the month preceding the survey, because they felt unsafe.

For the first time since the bi-annual surveys began in 1999, GLSEN looked at how the school climate was related to school performance, grade-point average (GPA) and college aspirations for LGBT students. The conclusion was that performance and college aspirations were significantly diminished for students who were frequently harassed, with GPAs falling 10% below those of students who experienced little harassment, an average of 2.9 compared to an average of 3.3.

The Monument was unable to determine the level of harassment, if any, at Gray-New Gloucester High School, since Principal Paul Penna did not respond to repeated requests for an interview. However, Kelly indicated the environment at Gray-New Gloucester is not as threatening as seen on the national level. There are problems at the high school, she feels, but "it's not a blatant problem, it's more of a very sub-conscious level of intolerance" aimed at not only LGBT students, but students of different religions and racial backgrounds.

"I've noticed more of it," she said, noting that initially she looked for anti-gay behavior, then found anti-Semitic and racist feelings among her fellow students. "It really concerned me, because I don't even think it's blatant hatred; I think it's ignorance."

A student's lack of knowledge about sexual orientation, different religions and other cultures leads to a lack of understanding of their fellow students, Kelly said. She related a recent conversation with a student who had swastikas drawn on a notebook. The student told her that the drawings "were just a joke," and the student did not seem to understand the horror that was wrought on the Jews and other Europeans during World War II by the Nazi regime that the swastikas represent. "That was a sign to me that something had to be done," she said.

The Day of Silence is an opportunity for Kelly and fellow students to educate others about the harm that harassment does not only to LGBT students, but to students of different religions and races. Last year's Day of Silence was organized by students in more than 1,900 schools and colleges across the country, with participation estimated at over 100,000 students.

Gray-New Gloucester High School has seen a greater degree of tolerance than the national average, Kelly said, but she believes she is the only openly-gay student at her school. There are other students "who are assumed to be gay, she said, as well as some teachers.

Being open about her sexual orientation did not come easily for her. "It took me several years to come to terms with my own identity, with other people's identity, with being comfortable with it," Kelly said. Now, "I take it as just the way I am."

Originally thought to be a mental aberration, scientists and sociologists more recently have realized that sexual orientation is more a function of genetics than environment or conscious choice. LGBT people generally have reported that they did not "choose" their orientation, but rather have discovered it through self-realization.

Non-heterosexuality is still considered to be unacceptable in most churches, although the Episcopal church recently installed an openly-gay bishop. There has been a backlash in the Episcopal church, with some factions calling for removal of the bishop.

Churches in southern states tend to be more conservative, while churches in New England are often more tolerant of different lifestyles. There is a national movement to allow same-sex marriages, but those would be civil unions and very few, if any, churches would allow a religious union. Local church leaders had not responded to interview requests before this edition's deadline.

Kelly said her push to form the GSA at Gray-New Gloucester came from a strong sense of wanting to help others. "When I became aware of the horrible mistreatment people faced from the government and in school and out of school, and just from society at large, it really bothered me," she said. "I really feel obligated to help people."

She recently wrote to Maine Senator Susan Collins asking for a meeting to discuss writing a federal law aimed at prohibiting discrimination against LBGT people.

Right, Kelly Coughlin, front row, left, staffing the GSA's bake table at Celebration Day last summer. Next to Kelly was Brittany Dumaie, Sidney McGrath, and in the back row, GSA Advisor Mrs. Cathy Roy, Brie Dombrowski, Skyler Dombrowski, Danielle Coons. The GSA made and sold 18 cakes in support of the Town's 225th birthday celebrations. The Monument: Elizabeth Prata (file) photo


Originally planning a path to law school, Kelly said she has lately started to reconsider, and may pursue a career in public relations. Her sexual orientation does not have a bearing on her abilities, and if anything, has increased her tolerance of others. She believes the GSA and the Day of Silence give her the chance to teach everyone she meets that we're all different in some ways, but very much the same in most.